Humiliation in a Diaper

Aren't babies adorable?  They look so sweet and innocent and soft and cuddly.  And isn't it amazing how quickly they turn in toddlers?  And we all know that toddlers are adorable and sweet and innocent and cuddly too, right?  You laugh?  You don't believe me?  Why is that?  Because, of course, toddlers are dangerous little creatures who secretly know much more than we give them credit for knowing.  They keep their vast knowledge inside their little heads until they decide they're ready to do something fun like totally humiliate Mommy! 

I say this jokingly, but at the same time I can remember several instances when my children were toddlers and they seemed to be doing their best to embarrass me to the point where I felt like running and hiding!  Here's one example:

When my older daughter was 3 and my son was 2, my daughter attended a preschool language program at a local college.  (She has autism, and a college near us offered language programs to help autistic children learn to communicate.) One day, a day that still clearly stands out in my mind, Noah and I were on the sidewalk of the college walking to the building where we would retrieve Hannah.  A rather chubby college student came walking out of the door.  Beside that door sat a trash can with a bull on it (for the Chicago bulls).  Noah pointed at the trash can (but of course the college student thought he was pointing to her) and shouted, "Mom!  Look at that big fat cow!"  I was so shocked and  humiliated that I didn't even know what to say.  That poor college student was probably traumatized by that incident!  I'm guessing that just because she turned red in the face and quickly stalked off.  We never saw her again......

Another time when my younger daughter, Mary Grace, was about 3, we were in the grocery store.  Mary Grace has always loved to greet everyone we passed by while she rode in the grocery cart.  And for the most part, people would nicely smile at her and say hello and maybe even stop to chat for a moment.  (Grocery shopping took forever when that child was with me!) One day she waved happily and spoke to an older lady who looked like she would be really nice.  The lady glanced at Mary Grace and didn't smile or speak or anything.  Right there on the spot Mary Grace said loudly, "Well!  What's her problem?!"  Once again I was totally and completely humiliated!

There were even times when my non-verbal child managed to cause me to cringe.  Hannah is autistic and was (and still is) non-verbal.  This happened when she was about 4 or 5 and had an appointment with the doctor.  She normally didn't like "strangers" and wouldn't pay much attention to them.  (Which can be typical of autistic people.) This day, though, the minute we walked into the waiting room, she saw a sweet little old man and ran and jumped up into his lap!  Thankfully the little old man was as sweet as he could be.  He asked her, "Do you think I'm your granddaddy?"  and smiled at her.  I was so grateful for his kind response!

Now that two of my children are teenagers, I figure it's time for me to pay them back!  Now I do things like make them kiss me goodbye in front of their friends.  I poke my head into their Sunday School classes and ask them if they need a jacket.  I call them sweet little "pet" names in public.  I'm still working on improving my things-to-do-to-totally-humiliate-my-teenagers list.  If you have any suggestions for me, please be sure to share them!! 

I know I must be doing a pretty good job of it because not long ago my son (now age 15) looked at me and said with genuine feeling, "Mom.  You drive me nuts!"  What a feeling of satisfaction that one little statement gave me!  And in the spirit of being a kind, loving, supportive mom, I replied, "If I didn't, you might want to live with me forever."  ;)